After I went on about how you should always push yourself just a little bit harder than what you can do now….well I forgot to mention that you should also know your limits and remember not to push yourself too hard, especially when your body is tired. Fatigue is a huge issue with GBS patients and if we overexert ourselves it can come back to bite us and affect us for days.
Well I have been bitten. Along with a full time job and a two year old, I am a very busy person. Add in all the excitement I’ve had in the last little while, I haven’t been sleeping very well. So when I pushed myself to do an hour and twenty five minutes of straight cardio on Tuesday thinking I was fully capable of doing it, my body was having none of it. Now I have caught the worst cold I think I’ve ever had. And if that wasn’t bad enough I also passed it on to my family and both James and Casey are sick too.
With this sort of sickness, I can’t help but feel fear. Fear that as my immune system fights off this cold, it will forget to stop and move on to attack my nervous system again. Fear that in 2 – 3 weeks’ time I will be paralyzed in the ICU again. This is just a small voice in the back of my head and although I sometimes hear it, I choose not to pay attention to it. I am enjoying life way too much to listen to that right now!
I had our entire weekend planned including taking Casey to see Santa and then my company Christmas party Saturday, but unfortunately with us being so sick, we could barely get off the couch. I was very disappointed as there was so much I needed to get done, including starting (yes, I said starting) and finishing our Christmas shopping. On the plus side it was very cold outside which we didn’t have to deal with, and we had a relaxing time watching movies all weekend long with lots of cuddles from our girl.
One thing I have noticed this year is just how much the cold is affecting my fingers. When I get snow on my fingertips, it sends a strong cold, burning sensation through them. A few times I have even thought I had frostbite. But this is just another one of my minor residual symptoms reminding me that my sense of touch is not back to normal due to the nerves in my fingers not being fully regenerated–hopefully they still will.
As I sit at my computer in my pajamas, hammering away on my keyboard, the vision of Carrie Bradshaw (from Sex and The City) writing her column enters my mind. I can’t help but feel like her when I write 🙂 Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and if I should be putting so much time and effort into writing, I mean this is not my Full Time Job…But I do love it! Why is that- even though I have had so much interest in my book and story- I still continue to doubt myself and my journey with this? Luckily, every time I question myself, BAM, I get yet another reminder that not only are people interested, they are inspired! This time, it was Global News that gave me that reminder. Reporter Su-Ling Goh, who has done a few stories on my story, contacted me to let me know that she has chosen my story for their Boxing Day Special “Profiles in Courage”; where they showcase the most inspirational people that she has met in 2012. I could not be more honored that they have chosen my story, and pleased to have another chance to share my book and create awareness on Guillain-Barre.
Another exciting thing going on is that I submitted my story to the GBS Foundation, which they liked so much that they decided to squeeze it into their fall/winter newsletter. I am looking forward to more GBS patients reading about what I went through. I was also approached with regards to volunteering- specifically in speaking with other patients, which I of course have said yes to. If I can help ease someone’s mind, inspire them not to give up and show them that you can recover from this illness, then I would really know that I am helping others with my story.