I am a badass.

1The last couple months , I haven’t really been feeling like myself. A big part of it has been because of summer and a lack of having routine – which I do best with. Being in a blended family with a mixture of schedules is hard, and with the kids out of school and spending their days with several different people while we work, its made it even harder. Also, while I’ve still been getting to the gym a lot, it has been a bit less than I’m used to, and I’ve slacked big time on my nutrition (summer is hard!!). So I haven’t been feeling all that healthy. I’m definitely looking forward to getting back into a routine and schedule come September.

I have recently been working on my will and life insurance (YES this girl, who was very close to dying once in her life, did not have a will!!!), and it’s been making me feel sorta….I dunno… restless. I think putting a plan in action for my death, made me start thinking about my life, and made me wonder if I truly am living to the fullest. But, I have a loving boyfriend that is so supportive, an incredible group of family and friends, a great career that pays well, and best of all, I am healthy and ALIVE. I get to have a lot of fun in my life, and I am genuinely happy. So why was I feeling like something was missing? Why was I feeling like I could do MORE?

And HOW? My life is crazy enough as it is, how could I possibly fit anything else into my schedule. Work is crazy busy, life is crazy busy, and dealing with fatigue from this damn illness leaves me completely exhausted by the end of the day as it is.

Without really knowing where to start,  I  decided to deactivate my Facebook account. I still have my public business profile, just not a personal account anymore- so no more newsfeed. I was spending hours of my day scrolling through it, yet I was completely tired of the drama and negativity, and was getting nothing out of it. I knew it was playing a huge part of my dissatisfaction, because in my heart I know there are much more fulfilling things I could be doing with my time than go on Facebook. 

It was a good start, and while I feel great being FB free now, it didn’t cure my feeling of restlessness.  I still wasn’t quite sure what to do next.

It’s funny how things can happen at just the right time in our lives. Following a vacation with the kids that left me more stressed than when we left (I guess that’s why they say it really isn’t a vacation when you have three kids lol), I went for a coffee over at my girlfriends. This friend is the woman who is always bubbly, she is always positive and she always puts me in a good mood when I’m with her. She is also the type of person that is always working on herself and reading self development books, so when I was there, I thought maybe she might have a book that I could read. 

I skimmed through her books and randomly decided to take one called “You are a badass – How to stop doubting your greatness and living an awesome life” by Jen Sincero. I didn’t really know what it was about (and I personally didn’t think I was living with self doubt) but I did like the rest of the title so I grabbed it. 

I started reading it later that night, and within a few pages of reading, I was hooked. It completely changed my mindset about my life almost immediately and energized me in a way that I hadn’t felt in a while.

Without giving too much away in the book, I will just say that it’s a great starter book if you are looking to start doing self development.  And a great reminder for those of us that have been doing it for a while. It really focuses on the importance of mindset and going after what you want in life.

It’s reminded me that we need to do things that make us HAPPY. We need to do things that ENERGIZE us; things that we FANTASIZE about doing. We need to stop saying we want to do something in our lives, and go for it now. I cant count how many times I have thought about doing something, but then never followed through. As someone who went through a near death experience in my twenties, I  already KNOW the importance of all this.

But now I know that I need to do it more. Life is so short and can change at any minute. We have to go after our goals now not later. We have to think about all the different things that we want out of life, and then start making them happen.

One of the things that I have been saying for years, is how much I love writing. But that I just don’t have the time to do it. Yet it’s something that makes me happy,  it energizes me, and it’s something that I fantasize about doing…so why am I not doing it?! I have an average of 20,000 vistors a year to my website – so why wouldn’t I make the time and write more on it! It seems like a no brainer to me.  So starting to blog more often is something I’m going to commit to doing.

One of the other things that I know I love doing, is connecting with others with GBS, and supporting them in any way that I can. For the past 4 years or so I have been volunteering with the GBS Foundation of Canada, and its always something that has given me a huge sense of purpose. When I get a chance to talk with others and share my story, I feel like I have truly made a difference in people’s lives. But I have always wanted to do more, but again just didn’t know how. So to expand on that I have decided to start donating a portion of my book sales to those affected by GBS. In the past I have donated it to the GBS Foundation directly, but I personally feel that I could make more of an impact if I gave it to someone specifically. The effects of GBS can be financially devastating, from being off work, to your family being off work to support you, plus the medical costs,  the physio costs, the wheelchairs, the walkers, etc, etc – the list can go on and on – especially if you are left with permanent disabilities. I was fortunate that my friends threw my family a fundraiser, and with the help of local media, donations were raised so that we did not have to struggle. And that is something that I want to do for others as well. It’s something that I know will energize my soul.

My plan is to be more active on my site and on social media to connect with you all, because that’s what makes me happy. I’m really looking forward to having more of a presence on here and hope that I can share my story again and again and reach more people around the world. Because in the end, why I made my video and wrote my book, was to make an impact on others. And I believe that is my purpose in life, and why I got GBS.

I’m so glad that I read that book. It’s reminded me that I am a badass, and that with the right tools, we really can have the life that we want if we put in the effort.

If you are feeling lost or confused or restless, don’t sit around sulking and doing nothing about it. You are in control of your life – go after the things that you know are going to make you happy !!!



About hollyaftergbs

Author of Happily Ever After - My Journey with Guillain-Barre Syndrome and How I Got My Life Back.
This entry was posted in 2017. Bookmark the permalink.

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